The Reason
by Goddess Isa
Summary: Angel And Buffy 'say goodbye


TITLE: The Reason  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Angel And Buffy 'say goodbye  
SPOILER: Sort of Choices, The Prom] DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-PG  
DISCLAIMER: They belong to Joss, but maybe he shouldn't have custody after letting the WB push him around like that and all. Do I sound bitter? I AM BITTER. I WANT MY FINALE! I do feel only slightly better after that rant, btw =) Oh, and 'The Reason' belongs to Celine Dion.   
  
  
//I figured it out  
  
I was high and low  
  
And everything was in between  
  
I was wicked and wild, baby  
  
You know what I mean   
  
'Till there was you, yeah, you\\   
  
  
Sometimes, I think life gives you something nice to see what you do with it. Fate has no intention of letting you keep it, at least not for very long, they just want to see how you handle things. What gets you through the days and nights.   
  
  
//Something went wrong  
  
I made a deal with the Devil  
  
For an empty I.O.U.  
  
Been to Hell and back   
  
But an angel was looking through  
  
It was you, yeah, you  
  
It's all because of you\\   
  
  
Buffy's always been that one person for me, you know? She's like the light at the end of my tunnel or however the saying goes. She's the wind beneath my wings. I love her so much. Seeing her the way she's been lately, so weak, so quick to brass me off, so eager to hurt me just to spite me for leaving her, it's killing me inside. More than she could ever know.   
  
  
//You are the reason  
  
You are the reason   
  
I wake up every day  
  
And sleep through the night   
  
You are the reason, the reason\\   
  
  
I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to do the whole goodbye thing. It reminds me of a soap opera, almost. I can see our goodbye in my dreams every night and it gets harder and harder for me to deal with each night. I didn't want there to be one. I wanted to kill the Mayor and leave. Hard, yes, but maybe it's for the best. Maybe tough goodbyes are something we should never have to deal with. I shouldn't go there, as Buffy might say. We should never have to deal with half the things we do. We should never have to deal without each other.   
  
  
//I'm giving it up  
  
No more running around   
  
Spinning my wheel  
  
You came out of my dream  
  
And made it real  
  
I know what I feel  
  
It's you  
  
It's all because of you\\   
  
  
She's asleep on my couch right now. It's almost sunrise and I'll need to wake her so she can go home and get ready for school. It's not what either of us want, I know, but maybe I should just go. Leave now, before it can hurt anymore.   
  
Hmm. I say that as though it won't hurt later. Who am I kidding?   
  
  
//I want to touch you  
  
I want to floor you  
  
You are the reason, baby\\   
  
  
"Angel?" she's awake now, which was the last thing I wanted. I was as quiet as I could be getting my bag, but I guess I made the mistake when I kissed her.   
  
"Morning, baby," I brushed the hair out of her eyes and smile down at her the way I always did. I pray that she doesn't see my bag at our feet, that she doesn't know.   
  
But I know she knows, just as I do, that this is goodbye.   
  
  
//You are the reason  
  
You are the reason  
  
I wake up every day  
  
And sleep through the night   
  
You are the reason, the reason\\   
  
  
"Do you have everything?" she asks.   
  
I nod. I didn't need much, my pictures of her, my Claddaugh, my journals. Don't need anything when your heart's not coming along for the ride.   
  
"I can't really do this," she says, leaning her head back against the pillows on my couch. "I don't know how...."   
  
I kiss her softly and hold her so tight. She pushes away and I wait for her to stand up. She draws her arms around my neck and I place mine around her waist. We kiss softly and sweetly, although there's more passion in that kiss than ever before. Finally, she pulls away. I don't know how she was able to do it, but she did. She said nothing, just looked at me one last time and left.   
  
There wasn't one part of my soul that didn't want to follow her. There wasn't one part of my brain that didn't want to go outside and wait for the sun to rise. I turned them both away, listening to Joyce for some stupid reason. I grabbed my bag and cut through the shadows to the train station. Climbing into the secure and dark cargo cars, I let my thoughts drift to our happier times together. Tears fell down my cheeks and I realized my reason for being alive at all, even two hundred years ago, was to love Buffy.


End file.
